Aug 13, 2008

A receipt from a car wash about 5 miles from my house found itself stranded against the foundation of my house, upside down. The once proud owner of this receipt, and obvious auto cleanliness conscience person bought the “Diamond Package” and “Exterior Package,” paying with a credit card. I find it hypocritical that this person felt the urge to keep his/her car clean, but did not think twice about making our fine environment just a little dirtier. I’ve had my car since 1999 and not once has it seen the car wash.

Aug 12, 2008

“Gosh Timmy, I feel like smoking a stogie but I also crave the taste of peaches. What should I do?”
“Lucky for you Johnny there’s a nearby convenience store where we can drop on in and see if they carry Phillies peach flavored cigars.”
“You are a man of answers, Timmy. A man of answers.”
I am floored by the fruit flavored cigars! Scroll down to July 12 to see the apple flavored cigars. Why the fruit flavors? How about cigars flavored as potato chips, steak, or…wait a minute…beer? Or, for you sophisticated turds, scotch (I think it’s a trendy thing these days to smoke cigars and scotch). Now those flavors make sense to me. Though, it would be great to hear, “Hey fellas, have you tried the new kiwi flavored cigars?”
What’s the deal with the yellow star “Buy One Get One” callout? Not very specific is it?

Aug 11, 2008

This fine example of a crusty old pen is pictured barely lurking over my property line separating the street from my driveway. This pen has been kicked about a long time because it is rusty and pretty weathered. How it found its way to the great wide open at the end of my driveway is a bit of a mystery. Someone would’ve had to either picked it up or kicked it from a more secluded or protected spot; the end of my street, perhaps. Wow, I just tried writing with the pen and it still works. Now that’s one good pen.

Aug 10, 2008

Today’s litter takes a turn for the festive: a red balloon approx 7 inches long most likely lost by some sort of clown to blow up and twist into animals, swords, or silly headwear. I happen to know a woman who is a part time clown and one day I saw her in complete get up before a party. She looked the good clown, but was swearing up a storm like a drunken sailor as she stormed around her house looking for her cell phone. I find clown damn creepy and I do not like them.

Aug 9, 2008

Lookie likie someone (whose name I covered with a leaf) lost their proof of health insurance coverage for tax reporting resons. The facing letter is the proof, the folded letter explains how to have the main letter translated. This information is in about 10 different languages.

Aug 8, 2008

A
Plastic
"Sandwich"
Bag

Aug 7, 2008

This candybar foil wrapper danced around my front yard in a bevy of unchoreographed circles for hours before I finally snapped its picture. It really appeared to be going out of its way to capture my attention. “Over here!” it desperately wanted to yell, but couldn’t because candybar wrappers don’t have mouths and even if they did, candybars can’t talk. Although, they do often scream my name when I see them. Gasp! Perhaps candybars are able to communicate without speaking. By golly they’re able to put thoughts and wants into our minds against our will! Damn them…damn them. Baby Ruth. I use to love this candybar, but I haven’t had one in a very long time. For some reason, I feel like watching Caddyshack. “It’s no big deal.”

Aug 6, 2008

What you see pictured below is a twisted mass of thin culinary cardboard. What you do not see pictured below is the self camoflauging remains of a McDonald’s Chicken Select box.

Aug 5, 2008

No trash today.

Aug 4, 2008

And now we are talking, baby! Jameson Irish Whiskey. If I were a drunken bum, I just may have opened up this nip and finished the remaining quarter mouthful left inside. Never mind Bud Light and Blackberry flavored junk pictured below; a true booze has found its way into my yard. Jameson is great with Pepsi or Ginger Ale, and even straight if you do not mind feeling like you swallowed Icy Hot and enjoy the slow icy burn of whiskey.

Aug 3, 2008

I have no idea what this business card size piece of information-laden cardboard is. It lists my hometown on it, so it comes from something located within the town’s limits. Mysterious litter, at least to me, it is!

Aug 2, 2008

At first, I thought the below was just another piece of red plastic cast from wherever. However, my daughter spotted it and told me she thinks it’s one of those cheese spreaders included in a packages of cheese and crackers. By George I think she’s right!

Aug 1, 2008

Yikes, August is the third and final month of this silly blog and here we are, already. The summer sure did fly. Today we have the pay stub belong to someone who’ll remain anonymous (I purposely placed the little stick over the name). Unfortunately, the person’s social security number is X’ed out, so I am unable to steal his identity. “Darn it!” I scream while shaking my fist to the heavens.

July 31

When I first spotted the below in my front yard, I thought it was the typical drinking straw. However, as I approached the object and got a closer look, it revealed itself as the empty housing of a Papermate writing instrument. This junk was found in an area of my yard that is very light in litter. In fact, of all the trash pictured and written below, this is only the second piece to land in this small area of the yard. Notice the end (top of picture); chewed to hell.

July 30, 2008

There’s litter then there’s litter that skeeves you out on several levels. The below piece of work has skeeved me out for several reasons. First, it’s litter. Second, the degenerate who was simply too lazy to put litter in its place also lacked the gumption to properly dispose of his or her chewing gum, “Ya, I think I’ll stick my gum right here on the straw while I drink this high calorie, high sugar, high in caffeine drink-you know, the stuff that does the body good- ‘til I finish and chuck it out the window.” The cup lid and straw come from Dunkin Donuts (the actual cup called across the street home) while the gum from an obvious life slacker. And what is the deal with the melted straw end? No, no, no…there’s nothing right about this trash.

July 29, 2008

This intrusive jerk of a shopping bag (Stop&Shop) took things a bit too far when it decided to trespass not only into my land, but up and onto my front porch! How dare it! Another shopping bag, similar in nature, found its way high up into a tree in a neighbor’s yard last winter. Of course, the branch the bag became hung up on overhangs my property and it’s too high to reach and remove. The thing is now one grody looking piece of swinging trash with just enough water housed within giving it the look of a male’s private part. Gosh, if only Mr. Fantastic were real…

July 28, 2008

A high quality napkin/rag thing. Gross.

July 27, 2008

When I first found the pictured in my front yard I was all giddy thinking it was some kind of hand written personal note. Alas, I was wrong. It appears to be a list of words and their interpreted meanings. Almost like a test. “3. Predaory….4. Tolerant…” Golly, talk about turning boring right quick!

July 26, 2008

At the far end of my driveway (not the street end), I found the below: a piece of a broken bicycle pedal. Since this thing is too heavy to be blown by wind and since there was no wind today, I am betting one of my daughter’s friends carried the junk into the yard and dropped it. Looks like it came from a small pedal, as well.

July 25, 2008

Sunshine, no rain, and the strewn cellophane wrapper of Smarties candy. These things still appeal to me, even though as a child we always crushed them up and dropped them in water only to be disappointed with its taste. However, standing alone, these lil’ wafers of sugar are damn good.

July 22, 23, 24

These three days brought forth rain, wind, lightening, and thunder of Biblical proportions. Any litter that may have found its way into my yard was either washed or blown away. Though I loved every minute of the storms, it did nothing to help this already sorry blog.

July 21, 2008

The below is a “thing” (approx 5"x3") that goes around the neck of the horrible sounding Spray Candy. The advertised free sticker was used by the consumer and was most likely placed somewhere it didn’t belong. Notice the flavor: Gween Apple. At first I though “Gween” was a cute play between Green and the name Gwen, but if notice the lil’ apple character, it is certainly not female. So why the cutesy name? This product is made in the USA. Awesome, four things are produced in this country and Spray Candy is one of them.

July 20, 2008

While sitting on my front porch today reading and enjoying the warm air, my peace was suddenly shattered by an unfamiler group of laddies roughhousing their way down the street and past my house. They were just having fun and doing what laddies do: roughhousing, swearing, and filling the surrounding air with their wretched stinks. Ever notice how a group of men, no matter the age, tend to stink the place out yet a group of females tend to to smell of flowers and freshly baked goods? Anwho, one small yet significant part, at least concerning this blog, of the roughhouising included one chap hurling something at another chap striking his target on the shoulder. Below, you see the hurled object: one of those Cub or Boy Scout tie/scarf things they wear around the neck. The thing deflected off the chap and landed in my front yard where it was deserted. Look at how the pubils glow. My God, it’s the Hound of the Baskervilles! Luckily, I am not a Baskerville descendent, so I have nothing to fear. But wait, I hear something slowly and eeriliy creeping up form behind, but of course I’ll write about it before investigating.

July 19, 2008

The below crumpled up mess arrived today and I knew immediatley what it was. Do you?
Honestly, I am surprised it took so long for a scratch ticket, or any form of lottery ticket, to find its into my yard. I’ve always found the concept of receiving scratch tickets as a gift an odd one. Sure, one in 20 may land a winner, but most of the time it’s, “Hey, thanks for the hope of wining but ultimately losing and ening up with only silver junk on my hands.”

July 18, 2008

Alright, it has become evident the litterbugs of the world, or at least around my land, have become responible, of course, on my watch.

July 17, 2008

Uh oh. Two straight days with zero trash. It has been very warm and yucky, so maybe the litterbugs are staying inside and dropping their junk on the floor.

July 16, 2008

No trash today!

July 15, 2008

Another piece of cardbaord with enough similarities that leads me to believe it is related to the cardboard captured July 13. Thrill-a-minutes, thrill-a-minute.

July 14, 2008

A squashed pack of Newport smokes. Who knew the Newport cigarette logo was an upside down Nike swoosh (they call their logo a “spinnaker”). A 2005 survey found that just uder 50% of all cigarette sales to African-American smokers where of the Newport brand.

July 13, 2008

‘Tis a lovely cut of cardboard, don’t you think? The bevel and lil’ dipsy doodle half way down? This beauty of a specimen runs about 5 inches long, white on one side (the side you see- errr), and brown on the other. I’m guessing somebody got a little somehting something that needed a little packaging for quality sake. This dog landed at the end of my driveway and I was able to snap it before the wind took it away, again.

July 12, 2008

Amazing. Who knew “they” made cigars with pipe tobacco? And apple flavored to boot! To me, smoking and apples go together as well as a tuna fish sandwich and beer. If one smokes, isn’t for the tobacco taste? If you want apple flavor, why not just eat an apple or maybe one of those Jolly Rancher apple flavored candies. Perplexing, ain’t it? “Black & Mild” as opposed to what, Black & Abrasive? Holy crap I never knew this junk existed. The back offers, “Taste Great! Smells Great!” Boy, nothing beats tasty smoke that smells great. Is cigar smoke inhaled? I suppose these pipe tobacco cigars are for those who wish they could smoke a pipe but can not afford those cool upside down pipe lighters. I make fun of these cigars, but about a year ago the company who owns Philip Morris USA bought Middleton’s for 2.9 billion dollars. Wow.

July 11. 2008

Today’s litter is similar to yesterday’s litter, but different: a crumbled up Dunkin’ Donuts napkin. This piece o’trash was discovered by my daughter, who is the owner of the ankleball you see in the background. Though not as hidious as yesterday’s tissue, this napkin still grosses me out because you never know…you never know.

July 10, 2008

Gross. A crumbled up tissue. Has it been used? No idea and I shall not venture to answer that question. I had to put on my Haz-Mat suit in order to pick this one up and toss. I do wonder, however, if this is a Kleenex brand tissue.

July 9, 2008

Today was hot, humid, and purdy dahn windy. When I saw the below Stop & Shop plastic bag dancing around my back yard, I knew taking its picture would be one of slight difficulty. Employing my brain, I decided to hit ground level and use the ol’ shutter button on my camera. The below four pictures are the results-wind blown trash if you will- of my first button press. Wind plus Litter equals, that’s right, action. This is a blog of action and I am a man of action. Action.

July 8, 2008

The Starburst candy. Perhaps one of the grossest of chemical candies out there. Do these things make you thirsty, too? I am now curious as to the name of this candy. After all, it’s in the shape of a square, more or less, and not a star. Perhaps the person in charge of naming this brand was inebriated in some fashion and seeing double at the time. Now that would make sense!

July 7, 2008

Lookie! A single red wrapper with its back towards us. What is this mysterious thing that partially hides beneath a weed sprouting from my front walkway? More importantly, why does it show us its back and hide its identity. Ah yes, an adventure.



Let us see what lies behind door number one: Bubbaloo bubble gum, strawberry. Never heard of the stuff.

July 6, 2008

The silence of Nature’s fans aided not the wind blown trash today. Passer bys simply passed by leaving behind not a thing. And my trashcan held only my personal trash.

July 5. 2008

Either a woman or a sissy threw an empy can of Bud Light out of their car’s window where it was squished on the street and somehow found its way into my driveway- I’m willing to bet cars passing by my house ran it over kicking it onto my land. It’s good to own land. Bud Light is an awful beer consumed by “large” people who think it will actually make a difference when it comes to the circumference of their waisteline. Skinny chicks do not drink it because they do not have too. However, neither do the cornbread fed thick chicks who slam pints o’ Guiness stout with one hand while slappin’ the snot out of their boyfriends with the other because they do not care and are perfect breeding stock who can push out twelve kids in twelve years without blinkig an eye. Chubby men will eat slops of cheese and gobs of mayonaisse while sipping Buddy Lights because regular Bud is simply too bitter. Awww. Yes, I think it is ok to judge via beer choice.

July 4, 2008

Helping ring in my Fourth of July was the below chunk of Styrofoam measuring approx 3 inches by 4.5 inches by a tapering one inch to half inch. Now, taking this picture wasn’t as easy as one, possibly you, may expect thanks to a pretty stiff breeze that acted like an invisible puppeteer manipulating the Styrofoam like a marionette. Again (see the June 8 entry), Michael Stipe is somewhere crying over this. And somewhere someone is complaining about me, “Hey genius, how about making references that actually occurred during the past decade? What’s next, an obscure Pelle Lindbergh reference?

July 3, 2008

On my list of Top Five Non-Al-Key-Holic Beverages is where you’ll find Mountain Dew, which is pictured down there. Well, its label is pictured, but you get the point. Its green goodness is only surpassed by the venerable, teeth wrecking Pepsi. The Mountain Dew label blew into my backyard, but has found a home in my trash.

July 2, 2008

Believe it or not, the below picture shows what once was the label on a Snapple bottle. Crusty looking thing, eh? I should send this thing bowling with June 24’s entry. It would be like watching ugly people kiss. All litter is ugly, but this is ridiculous.

July 1, 2008

Like July, the below gum wrapper has blown into my life. This little wrapper found its way into my back yard. For all you extra curious people out there, the wrapper once wrapped a stick of Orbit gum. Luckily for me the wrapper is not the foil stuff because I have one heckers of a foil phobia! I hate gum chewing and find it rude, crude, and socially unacceptable.

June 30, 2008

Well now, a tightly folded up piece of paper with handwriting barely visible from the other side. This is surely a love letter anonymously dropped for me by a rich, gorgeous blonde from Sweden wishing only to give me all her money, and buy me beer. Rats! It’s just a list of talent show acts, or perhaps a list from a variety show.

June 29, 2008

No litter today. If this is today’s biggest disappointment, then life is good.

June 28, 2008

Someone was having a good ‘ol time sometime Friday night or Saturday morning. I found the below pictured nip of Hiram Walker’s Blackberry brandy on my front lawn. Blackberry brandy? I guess a seven-year-old alcoholic was too lazy, or wasted, to hit a trash barrel; or maybe the boys in blue pulled him or her over on his trikie and had to ditch the stash in a hurry. Even worse than the wimpiness of the bottle size and flavor is the fact the bottle wasn’t even empty!

June 27, 2008

Your guess is as good as mine. Unless you know what the below is, then your guess is better than mine, you fancy pants know it all, you! This approx 5” by 4” piece of paper has me wondering what the text means. After I found this thing on my front walkway, I spotted another a good distance from my house, but it read, “ REVIEW, wksh. A.” The mystery grows.

June 26, 2008

Oh lookie, someone’s shopping list: dogfood, garden burgers, milk, chips, split breasts are some of the items listed. On the flip side, which is not pictured, is “Pet Salon, Dew Claws.” The writing looks to be that of a female. This list found its way down my driveway and nestled up against a railroad tie I have in my backyard. One thing missing from this list, “I shall not properly dispose of this list when completed. Instead, I’ll drop it on the ground creating blight on the landscape and maybe even hinder someone else with the responsibility of actually placing this piece of refuse in its place.” So touchy…

June 25, 2008

Well folks, if this blog hasn’t put you to sleep yet, today’s post certainly will: another got-dang straw! On the plus side, at least this straw bares for us its red stripe (unlike the yellow stripe shower straw seen in the June 17 entry). When I first saw this straw, it was remarkably close to where the 6.17.2008 straw was, but when I returned from my run, it was deeper into my driveway. Again, I am guessing this is a McDonald’s straw. Ever drink Red Stripe beer?

June 24, 2008

If litter carried fleas or infectious diseases, the subject of the below picture would be infested or quarantined by the CDC. What a grubby looking piece of litter. This paper stuff has most certainly been disfigured by all the hard rain we’ve experienced over the past few days or so. I do see some orange in there, but I dare not investigate to better pinpoint its origin; looks too ucky! Boy, I sure am glad litter does not experience feelings because if it did, this one would be crying itself to sleep tonight.

June 23, 2008

You’ll certainly forgive me for not capturing today’s litter in its original form and location. I walked by this busted and rusty razor blade at the end of my driveway and retrieved it hoping to avoid a possible barefoot cut and tetanus shot; many kids around. I kind of like the way the razor blade is split, the rusty metal, clean aluminum, and of course the “Made in the U.S.A.” lettering. I have a feeling the blade came from a nearby house that recently had its roof replaced as I’ve seen a blade or two, none as cool looking as my blade, in that yonder driveway.

June 22, 2008

Cri-key! Here we have a beeeeautiful specimen of something rather common ‘round these pahts: the discharged Dunkin’ Donuts cup. Look at the result of my crouching really low to get a bettah picture of this lovely plastic cup that probably, but absolutely not definitely, once held some iced coffee. I got in real tight and exposed myself to harm fearing the plastic should lash out with defensive thrusts of caffeine. This beeeeautifully squashed cup nearly slipped my radar this evening as I grilled a rack o’ribs on the bar-bi, but a friend who noticed this indigenous creature lurking so close to my property line brought it to my attention not sure if it was indeed over the line. Upon closah inspection, it was in my yard and qualified inclusion in this blog. This cup has obviously seen bettah days and its lid is nowhere to found…no where to be found. Honestly, I am quite surprised it took so long for this to show its head as patrons of Dunkin’ Donuts, and the Massachusetts State Lottery, are some the worst littering offenders.