Aug 31, 2008

Thanks to a corralling whirlwind, we close this amazing blog with a three for one blowout! We have one typical napkin (doesn’t appear to be from a restaurant as it’s square), one Special K breakfast bar (vanilla crisp and only 90 calories), and one Jolly Rancher candy wrapper. When I was a wee laddy, Jolly Ranchers were not bite size, but rectangular in shape measuring approx one inch wide by four/five inches long. I loved those things because I could shape them into little knifes and pretend I was going to cut someone.

This concludes this blog.
I love you all.

Aug 30, 2008

Plain ol’ cellophane wrapper. What it once wrapped is anyone’s guess.

Aug 29, 2008

I do not know what it is and don’t want to know, frankly.

Aug 28, 2008

Today, in my little town, is the first day of school. Low and behold and what did I find in my yard? A folded up piece of paper. And just what is that found folded up piece of paper, you ask? The student class schedule belonging to a high school male due to graduate in 2010. Not only does this paper list the kid’s name, classes, and teachers, it reveals his locker and locker combination. If only I were addicted to text books. Notice the kids doodling artwork? He must have been bored…

Aug 27, 2008

A Dunkin’ Donuts Styrofoam cup. I’m not a coffee drinker, but I am guessing the cup is size medium. This lil’ buggah must have absorbed some of it’s buddy’s caffeine because it sure was dancing around while I tried to take it’s picture. Back and forth it went, the jigged up thing. Of course, maybe it was just the wind.

Aug 26, 2008

When I first spotted that below pictured “thing” resting at the foot of my driveway, I though it was a long magnetic strip. Branching off that thought, I joyously shouted to myself, “Oh boy! A long magnet strip that can hold all sorts of pictures on my fridge. No, wait a minute, not just any pictures, but pictures of me!” Alas, it’s not a magnet, just a stupid dream wrecking plastic “thing.” I guess my magnetic alphabet remains.

Aug 25, 2008

At first glance, the uninformed may think the below picture is a snapshot of the torn wrapper that once housed a Snickers candy bar. However, we, aka the informed, know better. It’s actually a snapshot of the torn wrapper that once housed a Snickers ice cream bar! To quote one of my daughter’s favorite television shows, Mystery Hunters, “Everything is not what it seems.” That may be true. However, to us that everything seems to be correct, while to everyone else…they can just wallow in a torrent of ignorance! Ha!

Aug 24, 2008

Another (see Aug 16) empty pack of what I assume is old lady cigarettes. Not being a smoker, I am unhip to the brands.

Aug 23, 2008

Below you’ll see some sort of “thing” or stock list from a nearby convenience store. Now, a woman who works at that store often walks by house, so I can only assume…

Aug 22, 2008

Not a piece, today.

Aug 21, 2008

When I started this trash blog I knew the litter would be boring and maybe sometimes surprising. However, I never even considered that a Dill Pickle bag would blow over my property line. I didn’t even know such a thing existed! This one was an eye opener, blogfan.

Aug 20, 2008

Gone are the kids games. Today’s junk is a nice nip-o-vodka. It’s a plastic bottle, which has recently become environmental enemy number one. This bottle just might be some sort of spy as its label obviously tried to camouflage itself into the grass to avoid detection. Not today, bottle. Not today.

Aug 19, 2008

Another candy wrapper. Laffy Taffy, it is.

Aug 18, 2008

That sure is one beat up Milky Way candy bar wrapper. The wrapper is for the regular size candy bar, not the mini bites, Halloween, or jumbo size. I haven’t downed one of these Milky Way bars in a long time. However, I have enjoyed several Dark Milky Way mini bites over the past few years while visiting my Mother’s house. God, they’re good. I typically eat well and avoid candy and other junk food, unless I’m over my Mother’s house. For some reason, whenever I am there, I eat like a starving slob and leave feeling like I’m Jabba the Hut’s doppelganger.

Aug 17, 2008

My eagle eyes spied the below pictured bracelet price tag resting in my driveway not far from my side porch. To better show the size of this small piece of litter, I placed a small rock next to it. For a better reference point of size, I placed a dime next to the rock that I placed next to the price tag. The tag describes the bracelet as “Snake 24” Oval Beads,” made in Italy, and cost $74.99. Of course, it may have been on sale or maybe the purchaser had a coupon or was the beneficiary of some sort of other discount: employee or senior citizen discount, maybe. So who knows what the true purchase price was. Now that I think of it, 24 inches is rather large for a bracelet (unless you’re Andre the Giant), so maybe this price tag is for a necklace. Brilliant investigative work!

Aug 16, 2008

Pall Mall anybody? I do not smoke, but I was surprised to see that this brand is still around. For whatever reason, I think this brand of cancer sticks is for old ladies. Where I came up with this prejudice is a mystery. Enlighten me if I am mistaken.

Aug 15, 2008

If any trash was in my yard, then it was certainly swept away by the torrential downpours and wind. I swear, I've never seen it rain so hard for so long.

Aug 14, 2008

Hey everybody, it’s a losing scratch ticket! Such a rare sight, indeed.

Aug 13, 2008

A receipt from a car wash about 5 miles from my house found itself stranded against the foundation of my house, upside down. The once proud owner of this receipt, and obvious auto cleanliness conscience person bought the “Diamond Package” and “Exterior Package,” paying with a credit card. I find it hypocritical that this person felt the urge to keep his/her car clean, but did not think twice about making our fine environment just a little dirtier. I’ve had my car since 1999 and not once has it seen the car wash.

Aug 12, 2008

“Gosh Timmy, I feel like smoking a stogie but I also crave the taste of peaches. What should I do?”
“Lucky for you Johnny there’s a nearby convenience store where we can drop on in and see if they carry Phillies peach flavored cigars.”
“You are a man of answers, Timmy. A man of answers.”
I am floored by the fruit flavored cigars! Scroll down to July 12 to see the apple flavored cigars. Why the fruit flavors? How about cigars flavored as potato chips, steak, or…wait a minute…beer? Or, for you sophisticated turds, scotch (I think it’s a trendy thing these days to smoke cigars and scotch). Now those flavors make sense to me. Though, it would be great to hear, “Hey fellas, have you tried the new kiwi flavored cigars?”
What’s the deal with the yellow star “Buy One Get One” callout? Not very specific is it?

Aug 11, 2008

This fine example of a crusty old pen is pictured barely lurking over my property line separating the street from my driveway. This pen has been kicked about a long time because it is rusty and pretty weathered. How it found its way to the great wide open at the end of my driveway is a bit of a mystery. Someone would’ve had to either picked it up or kicked it from a more secluded or protected spot; the end of my street, perhaps. Wow, I just tried writing with the pen and it still works. Now that’s one good pen.

Aug 10, 2008

Today’s litter takes a turn for the festive: a red balloon approx 7 inches long most likely lost by some sort of clown to blow up and twist into animals, swords, or silly headwear. I happen to know a woman who is a part time clown and one day I saw her in complete get up before a party. She looked the good clown, but was swearing up a storm like a drunken sailor as she stormed around her house looking for her cell phone. I find clown damn creepy and I do not like them.

Aug 9, 2008

Lookie likie someone (whose name I covered with a leaf) lost their proof of health insurance coverage for tax reporting resons. The facing letter is the proof, the folded letter explains how to have the main letter translated. This information is in about 10 different languages.

Aug 8, 2008

A
Plastic
"Sandwich"
Bag

Aug 7, 2008

This candybar foil wrapper danced around my front yard in a bevy of unchoreographed circles for hours before I finally snapped its picture. It really appeared to be going out of its way to capture my attention. “Over here!” it desperately wanted to yell, but couldn’t because candybar wrappers don’t have mouths and even if they did, candybars can’t talk. Although, they do often scream my name when I see them. Gasp! Perhaps candybars are able to communicate without speaking. By golly they’re able to put thoughts and wants into our minds against our will! Damn them…damn them. Baby Ruth. I use to love this candybar, but I haven’t had one in a very long time. For some reason, I feel like watching Caddyshack. “It’s no big deal.”

Aug 6, 2008

What you see pictured below is a twisted mass of thin culinary cardboard. What you do not see pictured below is the self camoflauging remains of a McDonald’s Chicken Select box.

Aug 5, 2008

No trash today.

Aug 4, 2008

And now we are talking, baby! Jameson Irish Whiskey. If I were a drunken bum, I just may have opened up this nip and finished the remaining quarter mouthful left inside. Never mind Bud Light and Blackberry flavored junk pictured below; a true booze has found its way into my yard. Jameson is great with Pepsi or Ginger Ale, and even straight if you do not mind feeling like you swallowed Icy Hot and enjoy the slow icy burn of whiskey.

Aug 3, 2008

I have no idea what this business card size piece of information-laden cardboard is. It lists my hometown on it, so it comes from something located within the town’s limits. Mysterious litter, at least to me, it is!

Aug 2, 2008

At first, I thought the below was just another piece of red plastic cast from wherever. However, my daughter spotted it and told me she thinks it’s one of those cheese spreaders included in a packages of cheese and crackers. By George I think she’s right!

Aug 1, 2008

Yikes, August is the third and final month of this silly blog and here we are, already. The summer sure did fly. Today we have the pay stub belong to someone who’ll remain anonymous (I purposely placed the little stick over the name). Unfortunately, the person’s social security number is X’ed out, so I am unable to steal his identity. “Darn it!” I scream while shaking my fist to the heavens.

July 31

When I first spotted the below in my front yard, I thought it was the typical drinking straw. However, as I approached the object and got a closer look, it revealed itself as the empty housing of a Papermate writing instrument. This junk was found in an area of my yard that is very light in litter. In fact, of all the trash pictured and written below, this is only the second piece to land in this small area of the yard. Notice the end (top of picture); chewed to hell.

July 30, 2008

There’s litter then there’s litter that skeeves you out on several levels. The below piece of work has skeeved me out for several reasons. First, it’s litter. Second, the degenerate who was simply too lazy to put litter in its place also lacked the gumption to properly dispose of his or her chewing gum, “Ya, I think I’ll stick my gum right here on the straw while I drink this high calorie, high sugar, high in caffeine drink-you know, the stuff that does the body good- ‘til I finish and chuck it out the window.” The cup lid and straw come from Dunkin Donuts (the actual cup called across the street home) while the gum from an obvious life slacker. And what is the deal with the melted straw end? No, no, no…there’s nothing right about this trash.

July 29, 2008

This intrusive jerk of a shopping bag (Stop&Shop) took things a bit too far when it decided to trespass not only into my land, but up and onto my front porch! How dare it! Another shopping bag, similar in nature, found its way high up into a tree in a neighbor’s yard last winter. Of course, the branch the bag became hung up on overhangs my property and it’s too high to reach and remove. The thing is now one grody looking piece of swinging trash with just enough water housed within giving it the look of a male’s private part. Gosh, if only Mr. Fantastic were real…

July 28, 2008

A high quality napkin/rag thing. Gross.

July 27, 2008

When I first found the pictured in my front yard I was all giddy thinking it was some kind of hand written personal note. Alas, I was wrong. It appears to be a list of words and their interpreted meanings. Almost like a test. “3. Predaory….4. Tolerant…” Golly, talk about turning boring right quick!

July 26, 2008

At the far end of my driveway (not the street end), I found the below: a piece of a broken bicycle pedal. Since this thing is too heavy to be blown by wind and since there was no wind today, I am betting one of my daughter’s friends carried the junk into the yard and dropped it. Looks like it came from a small pedal, as well.

July 25, 2008

Sunshine, no rain, and the strewn cellophane wrapper of Smarties candy. These things still appeal to me, even though as a child we always crushed them up and dropped them in water only to be disappointed with its taste. However, standing alone, these lil’ wafers of sugar are damn good.

July 22, 23, 24

These three days brought forth rain, wind, lightening, and thunder of Biblical proportions. Any litter that may have found its way into my yard was either washed or blown away. Though I loved every minute of the storms, it did nothing to help this already sorry blog.

July 21, 2008

The below is a “thing” (approx 5"x3") that goes around the neck of the horrible sounding Spray Candy. The advertised free sticker was used by the consumer and was most likely placed somewhere it didn’t belong. Notice the flavor: Gween Apple. At first I though “Gween” was a cute play between Green and the name Gwen, but if notice the lil’ apple character, it is certainly not female. So why the cutesy name? This product is made in the USA. Awesome, four things are produced in this country and Spray Candy is one of them.

July 20, 2008

While sitting on my front porch today reading and enjoying the warm air, my peace was suddenly shattered by an unfamiler group of laddies roughhousing their way down the street and past my house. They were just having fun and doing what laddies do: roughhousing, swearing, and filling the surrounding air with their wretched stinks. Ever notice how a group of men, no matter the age, tend to stink the place out yet a group of females tend to to smell of flowers and freshly baked goods? Anwho, one small yet significant part, at least concerning this blog, of the roughhouising included one chap hurling something at another chap striking his target on the shoulder. Below, you see the hurled object: one of those Cub or Boy Scout tie/scarf things they wear around the neck. The thing deflected off the chap and landed in my front yard where it was deserted. Look at how the pubils glow. My God, it’s the Hound of the Baskervilles! Luckily, I am not a Baskerville descendent, so I have nothing to fear. But wait, I hear something slowly and eeriliy creeping up form behind, but of course I’ll write about it before investigating.

July 19, 2008

The below crumpled up mess arrived today and I knew immediatley what it was. Do you?
Honestly, I am surprised it took so long for a scratch ticket, or any form of lottery ticket, to find its into my yard. I’ve always found the concept of receiving scratch tickets as a gift an odd one. Sure, one in 20 may land a winner, but most of the time it’s, “Hey, thanks for the hope of wining but ultimately losing and ening up with only silver junk on my hands.”

July 18, 2008

Alright, it has become evident the litterbugs of the world, or at least around my land, have become responible, of course, on my watch.

July 17, 2008

Uh oh. Two straight days with zero trash. It has been very warm and yucky, so maybe the litterbugs are staying inside and dropping their junk on the floor.

July 16, 2008

No trash today!

July 15, 2008

Another piece of cardbaord with enough similarities that leads me to believe it is related to the cardboard captured July 13. Thrill-a-minutes, thrill-a-minute.

July 14, 2008

A squashed pack of Newport smokes. Who knew the Newport cigarette logo was an upside down Nike swoosh (they call their logo a “spinnaker”). A 2005 survey found that just uder 50% of all cigarette sales to African-American smokers where of the Newport brand.

July 13, 2008

‘Tis a lovely cut of cardboard, don’t you think? The bevel and lil’ dipsy doodle half way down? This beauty of a specimen runs about 5 inches long, white on one side (the side you see- errr), and brown on the other. I’m guessing somebody got a little somehting something that needed a little packaging for quality sake. This dog landed at the end of my driveway and I was able to snap it before the wind took it away, again.

July 12, 2008

Amazing. Who knew “they” made cigars with pipe tobacco? And apple flavored to boot! To me, smoking and apples go together as well as a tuna fish sandwich and beer. If one smokes, isn’t for the tobacco taste? If you want apple flavor, why not just eat an apple or maybe one of those Jolly Rancher apple flavored candies. Perplexing, ain’t it? “Black & Mild” as opposed to what, Black & Abrasive? Holy crap I never knew this junk existed. The back offers, “Taste Great! Smells Great!” Boy, nothing beats tasty smoke that smells great. Is cigar smoke inhaled? I suppose these pipe tobacco cigars are for those who wish they could smoke a pipe but can not afford those cool upside down pipe lighters. I make fun of these cigars, but about a year ago the company who owns Philip Morris USA bought Middleton’s for 2.9 billion dollars. Wow.

July 11. 2008

Today’s litter is similar to yesterday’s litter, but different: a crumbled up Dunkin’ Donuts napkin. This piece o’trash was discovered by my daughter, who is the owner of the ankleball you see in the background. Though not as hidious as yesterday’s tissue, this napkin still grosses me out because you never know…you never know.

July 10, 2008

Gross. A crumbled up tissue. Has it been used? No idea and I shall not venture to answer that question. I had to put on my Haz-Mat suit in order to pick this one up and toss. I do wonder, however, if this is a Kleenex brand tissue.

July 9, 2008

Today was hot, humid, and purdy dahn windy. When I saw the below Stop & Shop plastic bag dancing around my back yard, I knew taking its picture would be one of slight difficulty. Employing my brain, I decided to hit ground level and use the ol’ shutter button on my camera. The below four pictures are the results-wind blown trash if you will- of my first button press. Wind plus Litter equals, that’s right, action. This is a blog of action and I am a man of action. Action.

July 8, 2008

The Starburst candy. Perhaps one of the grossest of chemical candies out there. Do these things make you thirsty, too? I am now curious as to the name of this candy. After all, it’s in the shape of a square, more or less, and not a star. Perhaps the person in charge of naming this brand was inebriated in some fashion and seeing double at the time. Now that would make sense!